


All That Is Seen and Unseen

by EnchantedHuntress



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Allison Feels, Allison Lives, Alpha Derek Hale, Alternate Season/Series 03, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Derek Feels, Emotional Baggage, Hale Family Feels, Mentioned Kate Argent, OT3, Pre-OT3, Pre-Relationship, Protective Allison, Protective Stiles, Survivor Guilt, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2018-09-06 04:49:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8735509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnchantedHuntress/pseuds/EnchantedHuntress
Summary: After breaking the mountain ash barrier sealing a feral Isaac and Erica (instead of Boyd & Cora) in with Derek whom they would've killed, Allison addresses the emotional chasm between her and Derek while Stiles is torn between the two.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are loved and appreciated!   
> Posted 12.3.16  
> Edited 5.10.18

“I am not my family Derek!” Her shout, sharp and forced through a throat that fought against the broken glass of tears, threw a turbulent tear-stained silence around the three of them. She could see Stiles, eyes stormy and dark, fists clenched struggling with himself over whether to speak, over which of them to defend and she was so tired she ached.

“You have every right to hate them but I am not your enemy. I’ve made mistakes, mistakes I am trying every day to fix but the difference is I never made them knowing the truth. Maybe it’s too small, too insignificant to even matter to you or to anyone else but it matters to me. I’ve never hated you for who you are—not like them, not like _her._ ” She could see his jaw working as his eyes flashed red involuntarily, in a split second so fast she was almost unsure it had happened but she didn’t know what she felt. She didn’t know him—she _couldn’t_. He wouldn’t let her.

“I never asked for this.” Her voice had grown weary and her hands shook sending off mountain ash dust, some marring her complexion from the cloud that had blown upwards as Isaac and Erica fled the bank vault. “I was born into it the same way you were and you at least knew who you were. This past year everything I thought I knew about myself and why I am capable at certain things was torn down and in its place was put a bloodlust and violence and hatred that I hope I never understand.”

She licked her lip as salt from her tears stung the cuts she’d gained from being shoved aside. Stiles was still frozen, immobile, unable to fight her for Derek and unable to fight Derek for her. A sad smile just barely graced her lips because she understood. If it were the two of them she wouldn’t be able to decide, to choose—not now.

“You don’t understand.” Derek grated out voice thick with a barely leashed transformation and he growled at Stiles when he started to interject shaking his head as if to clear it before he continued. “My entire family was destroyed. Every single instance of calling them or seeing them or being with them for the rest of forever was taken from me and from them and I deserve it.”

He barreled on ignoring the near-violent choruses of no’s from both Stiles and Allison the tears that he missed in their eyes. “It was my fault what happened to them, but _they_ didn’t deserve that. How am I supposed to let that go? How am I supposed to look at you and not see what your family did? Not see the ghosts of my family? I already lost them, how can I betray them by working with you?”

“Derek.” Stiles murmured his hand hesitating before resting gently on the alpha’s shoulder. “You didn’t deserve that.”

He clutched tighter when the wolf stiffened and slowly said each word, biting off his own agony and rage as electricity threateningly vibrated in the air from his spark, his whiskey-colored eyes gone dark and silver. “It was not your fault.”

“It was Kate’s.” Allison murmured biting her already split lip as she heard Derek’s sharp inhale and saw Stiles jolt barely containing his anger at the name, so new to his powers.

“You’re wrong you know.” Allison ventured, ignoring the tremor in her own voice and the way her chest was tighter than the bowstring of her weapon. “I understand. What she did, what Gerard did, what my father’s done I see all of it when I look at myself too. It’s like I’m haunted by their actions, even though they never cared. Every night when I try to sleep I wonder how many lives they destroyed, how much they enjoyed doing it. It doesn’t matter that I don’t know details, I’ve got a good imagination. Nightmares aren’t even the end of it because I know that I was this close to becoming them. Would I have killed you if I had the chance?”

Her voice was haunting, tragic and her words had forced all other sounds out. They were spellbound and tears rolled down her cheeks which she swiped away uncaring of the blackness she smeared across her skin—she was already darker than she could ever wash away. “You see I don’t know if I would have but I do know when I was shooting Isaac and Erica I couldn’t stop, I didn’t want to. I was so angry.”

Her voice broke and she just barely noticed Stiles shifting closer to her as Derek stood watching waiting for something, perhaps for an innocence or grace she no longer had to surface. She hated to disappoint him. “I was so angry and so sure and I just…kept shooting. Did I put them in the basement? No. Did I string them up like that? No. But I left them with those people, those hunters, my _family_.”

Her laugh was so bitter it hurt to hear it and it was borderline hysterical. Her eyes so very far away, not registering as Stiles called her name softly and walked closer to her. “They could’ve died. You could be dead...and it would’ve been my fault…that kills me. I see their actions, I hear their voices and I can feel them trying to control me to turn me into who they are. I swore I’d never pick up a weapon, touch any of this stuff ever again after that night. I couldn’t look at any of it without shaking. I couldn’t hold a weapon without my stomach heaving into my throat but I found out Isaac and Erica were missing. I found out about the alpha pack and what was I supposed to do? Was I supposed to sit quietly at home while Lydia and Jackson were training? While you and Stiles were out looking? I had two choices: I could take what I know and what I can do and use it to try and help, to do the right thing or I could be useless.”

She blinked tears onto her face and moved out of Stiles reach until she was at the door of the vault. “You were going to die that's why I broke the barrier. They would've killed you and that would've broken them. You were willing to die for them but they couldn't lose you, Lydia & Jackson & Peter couldn't lose you, Stiles couldn't lose you. There's no debt, no deal, no ulterior motive. I just couldn't watch you die. I’m not my family Derek, but it’s okay if that’s all you’ll ever see in me, because it’s all I see too.”


End file.
